6 March 2013

Chesnut's scripts

For Chesnut there was a first draft. The second (and final draft) has been changed a lot, but the main idea has stayed the same. I didn't like it because the frist draft seemed to drag along, and in retrospect I realised that I was probably spoon-feeding the audience, which when watching a film  I don't enjoy either.

First Draft;

 


Final task script:

Check that I can use small part of a game/DVD.

Characters
Props
Set
1 (storyteller)
Bags/sleeping bag roll
My room
2 (host)
torch
Libby’s room
3 (body)
Glasses/drinks
Kitchen
Rider/Horse: Libby and Jazzy
 
Forest (around stables)
Parent
 
 

 

Scene 1:

Outside of house – daytime – cloudy overcast weather, or whatever is happening at the time…bar rain. There’s a car parked by the drive. 1 gets out of the car wearing casual clothes, with a bag and a sleeping bag.

 

1:

Bye! See you later!

Car drives off and the girl walks down the drive. She gets to the porch where she rings the doorbell.  A second girl answers the door.

 

2:

Hi! How are you? Come in!

 

Inside the house

1: (while taking off her shoes and leaving her bags by the front door –on the inside)

 

1:

Is 3 here yet?

 

2:

Yeah…How’s Jack’s mudfever?

 

1:

It’s nearly gone, but I might carry putting on the cream, just- (in case)

 

2:

Hmmhmm. (yelling up the stairs) 3! 1 is here!!

 

3 comes down the stairs.

 

 3: (greeting, friendly)

Hi how are you?

 

 

1:

I’m fine and Jack mudfever has almost gone.

 

2:

Do you two want any drinks? There’s juice, orange or blackcurrant squash, water and lemonade.

 

3:

 Could I have some juice.

 

1:

 I’ll just have some water please

 

While 2 is getting the drinks.

 

2: (to 1)

So has Jack finally calmed down?

 

3:

Of course he hasn’t, he’s a chesnut!

 

1: (mock offense)

Well thanks! Anyway it’s only because he’s in a new field!

 

3&1 get their drinks

 

1&3: (not at the same time)

Thanks

 

All three walk back down the hall into the play room

 

Time lapse of the sun setting.

 

End of scene 1

 

 


Scene 2:

 It’s now nightime, and the desk light is on, all 3 are in a bedroom lying on the floor, and are now in pyjamas. The blind is down. Scene starts with the girls laughing. 1 is lying on the bed with feet at the top, and there is a torch on the desk.

 

3:

So what now?

 

1:

Horror stories!

 She gets up and picks the torch up and then turns off the light on the desk. She lies down on the bed again and holds the torch under hers face, everything else is in darkness. After the first comma it will fade to just narration.

 

It happened on a normal night, like tonight, on Thetford Common. There was a girl, a tourist out on a hike. It was growing dark and she still hadn’t found her way back to where she was staying. She heard a distant neigh – like a screech, but the ponies hadn’t been there since 5 years before.

 

3:

 Screams

(back to narration)

 

They found her body 2 weeks later, no wounds or anything. And the only thing that was left behind there was hoof prints.

(sound of horse galloping)

 

 

End of scene 2

 

 

Scene 3

 A calendar shows a few days pass.

 

Now in a different house – at daytime. (Libby’s room.) Ambient lighting (blind up). 1 is listening to music/ playing on DS while lying on her bed. Also has her phone by her on the bed. Phone rings, sees that it’s 2, stops what she’s doing and picks up.

On 1’s second line it goes into another narration.

 

1:

Hey! How are you?

 

2:

You know how 3 has been missing?

 

1: (in agreement)

Hmmm?

2:

Well they found her…

 

1: (happy)

That’s great news!

 

2:

Well…not exactly. They found her in the forest. (Pause) Like they found the girl in your story. (ends call.)

 

 

FIRST NARRATION

 In a forest daytime (edit to be darker and in b/w)

Girl is also 3, wearing warm clothes as it’ll be cold! XD

 

Panning shot of the heath/where-ever.

Mid-far shot of girl walking towards on higher ground.

POV moves forward a few steps stops (wait a beat then sharp turn around).

Match action to girl turning around.

Fast zoom in on face

Instant cut to heathland.

Beat, then scream.

 

Girl lying down

Slow pan starting from knees few metres later there are some hoofprints.

 

SECOND NARRATION

Daytime again (edit to be darker and in black and white)

Girl wearing warm stuff/riding stuff (different than from last time!)

Start with mid-close shot. Slow zoom out.

Pan to L/J cantering away

Fade to black

 

END
 
 

 
 
 
 

Second Draft

 
 
Final task script:
Characters
Props
Set
1 (storyteller)
Something soft to drop camera (if I’m allowed)
My room
2 (victim)
Laptop.
 
Rider/Horse: Libby and Jazzy
 
Forest (around stables)
Parent
 
 
Scene 1:
 
1:
It happened on a normal night, like tonight, on Thetford Common. There was a girl, a tourist out on a hike. It was growing dark and she still hadn’t found her way back to where she was staying. She heard a distant neigh – like a screech, but the ponies hadn’t been there since 5 years before. She heard something behind her…, and then
 
Phone rings- mother is on the other end. 1 can be playing a game on laptop.
Cut to a bedroom - late night – two girls sitting on floor.
2:
Yeah?
Mum:
“Hello mother” would be nice! Anyway, you need to get home now, [name]. {Girl one can turn lights on and open the door. And just wait by the door for 2 to finish her call!}
2:
Ok, I’ll leave now.
Mum:
See you!
2:
Bye…
Call Ends.
 
2:
Yeah…I’ve gotta to go now.
1:
Do you want a lift back??
 2:
Nah, it’s only a few streets and it’s not raining tonight.
 
 
 Shot of her walking through the forest.
Galloping heard. Girl looks behind her starts running. Swaps to POV and camera drop.(?) Cut to rider pursuing her, with camera in the bushes, low angle.
Cut to black
 
 
 
 
FIRST NARRATION
 In a forest daytime (edit to be darker and in b/w)
Girl is also 3, wearing warm clothes as it’ll be cold! XD
 
Panning shot of the heath/where-ever.
Mid-far shot of girl walking towards on higher ground.
POV moves forward a few steps stops (wait a beat then sharp turn around).
Match action to girl turning around.
To OTS on the horse, and walking forward a few steps. Ringing starts at start of this.
 
SECOND NARRATION
Daytime again (edit to be darker and in black and white)
Girl wearing warm stuff/riding stuff (different than from last time!)
Start with mid-close shot. Slow zoom out.
Pan to L/J cantering away
Fade to black
 
END

1 comment:

  1. 2nd draft much better and works well. 1st draft took too long to get started so its good you recognised what had to change.

    ReplyDelete